So...yeah. A whole year. Whoosh!
Time flies when you are baking and raising a tiny human from scratch.
People are like, "Don't you miss talking to other adults about adult things?" and I am wondering about that. Cause really, like, no.
No.
No I am not.
DUDE!
Adults are boring, yo. Adults talk about work and sports and weather and car trouble and this ache in my shoulder, etc. Boring. Just boring.
I appreciate that others want to make sure I stay, um...sane, I 'spose? Like, not feral? Or simple-minded or something. All sympathetic they ask, "Do you want us to come over so you can have an adult conversation?"
Now see, before the tiny human, an "adult conversation" would be, let's say, just between me and my spouse. 'Cause it would be all bow-chicka-bow-bow and stuff. That is the kind of conversation I think of when people say, "adult." But what people actually mean is to talk about this kind of boring every day stuff FOR WHICH I AM VERY HAPPY NOT TO HAVE TO PARTICIPATE IN!
Gah! Even sitting in on an adult conversation is wearisome. "Bladi bladi blah blah, work, blah blah. What about them A's? blah blah....I know! It totally rained yesterday, ohmigod! blah blah"...yo. adult=boring. When we were kids, everyone understood this but now they think I want to engage in this kind of malarky.
I mean, yes. If the conversations were about kick-ass tv shows that I am watching or funny topical stories from your family or, like, anything having to do with cats, I am in! But generally, people will just go on about adult things and not the fun kind of adult.
So, to be clear:
I LOVE chatting with tiny human about the ridiculous things she does (though she obviously can't verbally respond, as she is so tiny her brain doesn't make words with her mouth yet). "Why are you eating the leaf? Don't eat the leaf! The leaf is icky-poo! ICKY-POO! Oop, see?! Now you've choked and puked it up. Eating leaves are no fun, huh?" <-- This is way more interesting than talking about the government shutdown again and how we are all just waiting for election time at this point.
"No, don't bite me, that's not nice. Ouch! no biting! Ok, that's ok. Yes, you can lick my arm, just no biting. Aww, thank you! What a nice kiss. Thank you, what a nice kiss. Thank you, what a nice k--ouch! No biting!"<--Way more interesting than how your company is restructuring and how you will be keeping your same position but your direct report is changing to this asshole you have been complaining about for a year and how the smelly guy is changing offices to the other end of the hall because he's been reshuffled too and isn't it crazy?
"Look at this! How cool! See how I can put these together? Where are you going? Be nice to the kitty. Nice to the kitty! Gentle touches! GENTLE TOUCHES! Ok, let go. Let go now. Awww, what a good kitty (good job, kitty you did very well). You smell like poo. Let's go ch-ch-ch-ch-chaaaange your diaper. Ha cha cha cha cha!"<--more interesting than discussing the daily dip or gain in the DOW and how this might be affecting your portfolio, knowwhatImean? No. No I don't. I am proud to avoid poop fingers, knowwhatImean? No, you probably don't.
Hey guys, adults are needy people who have to get a lot of attention and hand holding...but, yo. I am already doing that for someone who can not even do it themselves.
Ain't nobody got time for that.
Get back to me when you want to discuss which teenage mutant ninja turtle was gay or your theory of how the universe is constructed or what your uncle said last Thanksgiving that was crazy or how your cat may be saying "thank you" is a caterwauling sort of way every time you pet her in that one place on her back...then...yes! Let's have THAT adult conversation. Until then, you can keep it to yourself.
I am fine with "BABABA!" and throwing her clothes on the floor proudly, then giggling, then crawling away farting.
That's the good stuff, girl, you didn't know?
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