I was released into the wild yesterday!
I packed up my bag with essentials like Energy Vitamin Water, real water, laptop, one moleskin sketchbook, one moleskin journal...and the small pocket full of pens, erasers, pencils, pencil sharpeners...and aspirin. I always keep aspirin with me...but literally...in case I should feel the onset of a heart attack...I'm serious. Moving on!
Anyway! I packed all this up in order to leave M and give her some needed time to herself (it was a Christmas present, she loves it!). I hiked on up to the Anthropology Museum (which is free) and just breezed on in.
Wednesday, March 28, 2018
Thursday, November 2, 2017
Trick or Treat
A bag of Halloween candy. That smell.
My kids went trick or treating, both of them for real this year. And I found myself...well, eating a shit ton of the candy but also just inhaling the scent of it in the bag.
Smells bring back memories, of course. This one is just a strong but good one. An actual happy set of memories from childhood from that smell of mixed candy in a bag. But specifically Halloween candy. Because Christmas candy has a lot of peppermint and cinnamon going on and Easter smells like chocolate and jelly beans and Valentine’s smells like Red 40. But Halloween candy is the best. At least for me the smell evokes an uncomplicated holiday for children.
We aren’t required to be good or have subtle religious guilt about candy versus Jesus or buying things to show our love to get candy...we just get to play dress up as our favorite or spookiest characters and going around collecting candy from the neighbors. It’s perfect.
My kid’s candy collection smells a bit different than mine did. Mine included Mary Janes and Bit o’ Nut, and like, freaking Necco wafers, and a lot of Smarties (not the British kind, the chalky American kind)...so there was an aroma of faint Pepto Bismal and fake peanut butter crackle to the bags of the 80s and early 90’s. People have decided to be more generous about their offerings it seems...in our current neighborhood at least. My kid’s candy smells richer, more chocolate and higher end gummies, although I did see some smarties in there. (Like cockroaches, they persist through the decades).
It is still a heady mix of sugar and fat smell, plastic wrapper and bleached paper lolly sticks.
It brings me memories of chilly nights tromping around the neighborhood with friends, sweating in my mask, making plans to go to the bigger houses for full size bars, freezing some years in an early snow, gathering at a friend’s house to count, sort, and trade, drinking warm cider, and the smell of singed pumpkin. Altogether pleasant and homey.
Halloween candy smell can still put a smile on my face, bring me back to happy times. It can feel even better than eating a ton of Reese’s cups..maybe...though I have to admit, that’s a close one.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Let's talk zombies
Apropos of nothing: Let's talk zombies.
I have been watching the zombie shows and some of the movies and even reading some zombie books over the last couple years and I have a few questions that others seem unable to answer.
1). In almost every zombie story, the walking dead are moaning or grunting or rasping or some such. Ok, so I can see this in the recently undeceased according to certain canon wherein the need for fresh brains keeps them shuffling along and therefore, in their extremely lowered IQ brains, this is articulated through freshly dead lungs and larynx as "braaaaains!"
Cool cool cool.
But, in most of the modern versions of zombie lore, there is no need for brains, just some rabies-like urge to nibble on the living. No need to scream about brains when you, as an undead, are fine with an elbow or the occasional spare rib.
And, in addition to that, most modern zombies are well past their sell by date. Rarely do you see or read about super fresh zombies with all their parts intact, flesh bits and throat chunks all in place to have the ability to moan about anything.
So, my major question with zombie stuff currently is how or why do the zombies all make the rasping, groaning, grunting noises?
I can't freaking figure it out! It's sort of driving me crazy, this question.
-Zombies don't breath, so there is no air in the lungs
-Zombies are driven primarily by some residual lizard brain hunger, no need to grunt
-Zombies are hunters, why alert the prey?
-A high percentage of modern zombies are so desiccated they don't physically have the parts with which to make these throat and mouth noises
Serrrsly, drives me nuts thinking about it.
2). Why do zombies even have this primal urge to eat?
I mean, if you think about it, it doesn't make sense unless you think about newly undead as if they are newly born. Newborns are super hungry and pissed off, so maybe that's it.
But yo, there are a lot of other primal urges too that zombies don't seem to share;
Pooping, peeing, thirst, and sex come to mind. You never see a zombie orgy with libations and crap piles lying around...
3). I will leave it at three for now, cause otherwise this thing goes on too long and I am quite sure the reader's attention span has ceased long ago with my zombie rants.
If zombies are propelled by their faulty undead brains, at what point in their decay does the brain no longer function even in the most rudimentary way?
Why doesn't high heat (melting the brains) work?
Why doesn't electrocution work (cooking the brains)?
Why doesn't severe decay work (when the rest of the zombie is basically a skeleton, dry and dusty, the brain would, I assume, be so too)?
Answer me people. ANSWER ME!
I have been watching the zombie shows and some of the movies and even reading some zombie books over the last couple years and I have a few questions that others seem unable to answer.
1). In almost every zombie story, the walking dead are moaning or grunting or rasping or some such. Ok, so I can see this in the recently undeceased according to certain canon wherein the need for fresh brains keeps them shuffling along and therefore, in their extremely lowered IQ brains, this is articulated through freshly dead lungs and larynx as "braaaaains!"
Cool cool cool.
But, in most of the modern versions of zombie lore, there is no need for brains, just some rabies-like urge to nibble on the living. No need to scream about brains when you, as an undead, are fine with an elbow or the occasional spare rib.
And, in addition to that, most modern zombies are well past their sell by date. Rarely do you see or read about super fresh zombies with all their parts intact, flesh bits and throat chunks all in place to have the ability to moan about anything.
So, my major question with zombie stuff currently is how or why do the zombies all make the rasping, groaning, grunting noises?
I can't freaking figure it out! It's sort of driving me crazy, this question.
-Zombies don't breath, so there is no air in the lungs
-Zombies are driven primarily by some residual lizard brain hunger, no need to grunt
-Zombies are hunters, why alert the prey?
-A high percentage of modern zombies are so desiccated they don't physically have the parts with which to make these throat and mouth noises
Serrrsly, drives me nuts thinking about it.
2). Why do zombies even have this primal urge to eat?
I mean, if you think about it, it doesn't make sense unless you think about newly undead as if they are newly born. Newborns are super hungry and pissed off, so maybe that's it.
But yo, there are a lot of other primal urges too that zombies don't seem to share;
Pooping, peeing, thirst, and sex come to mind. You never see a zombie orgy with libations and crap piles lying around...
3). I will leave it at three for now, cause otherwise this thing goes on too long and I am quite sure the reader's attention span has ceased long ago with my zombie rants.
If zombies are propelled by their faulty undead brains, at what point in their decay does the brain no longer function even in the most rudimentary way?
Why doesn't high heat (melting the brains) work?
Why doesn't electrocution work (cooking the brains)?
Why doesn't severe decay work (when the rest of the zombie is basically a skeleton, dry and dusty, the brain would, I assume, be so too)?
Answer me people. ANSWER ME!
Monday, February 10, 2014
Eye Catching!
I was just reading a thing the other day about how to write the perfect blog post.
The first point is to make an eye-catching title, cause without that, no one is going to look any further anyway.
There was stuff in there about bullet points and breaking it up into pieces and something something something...oh...relatable? Whatever. The title thing got me though.
Eye Catching!
So...but, literally, right? Maybe if it's the actual title (not literally as in it will literally catch your eye...that would be ground for a lawsuit and probably impossible with current technology...) is that enough?
The first point is to make an eye-catching title, cause without that, no one is going to look any further anyway.
There was stuff in there about bullet points and breaking it up into pieces and something something something...oh...relatable? Whatever. The title thing got me though.
Eye Catching!
So...but, literally, right? Maybe if it's the actual title (not literally as in it will literally catch your eye...that would be ground for a lawsuit and probably impossible with current technology...) is that enough?
- write about something relatable
- like frog rains?
- cat whiskers?
- baby farts?
- um, use bullet points
- to make it look like digestible information
- always remember to make at least two points per bullet shape, otherwise there's no point to the....point (see what I did there?)
oh dude. I have always been iffy on the outlines as is.
Next thing I remember is about putting in the perfect image to illustrate your topic. Well, considering I am (bullet point) too lazy to figure out inserting pictures and (bullet point) think that a post about writing a blog serves as the very image to illustrate writing a blog (SO META!); eff that.
Digestible chunks.
ok, so, mission accomplished?
yeah. Let's say that. Mission accomplished.
Boom! blog post to go down in history, yo!
(but now I am seriously thinking about technology that would allow the user to physically pluck someone's eye viewing the screen...something akin to the creepy Japanese kissing machine connected via the interwebz? Now I've squicked myself out...bleh...mechanical, remote-control tonguing...shudder.)
Fortunately I do not have to rely on these things for my ego or my paycheck so I can just sort of, um, "write" stuff here with crappy content, lame-o titles, no bullet points ever, and excuses about the image of letters on screen being the most poignant picture needed for a blog entry on blog entries....and digestible chunks. I just like saying, "digestible chunks," makes me think of fondue, for some reason.
And! I can be a scatter-brained widget. Hurray!
And! I can use a lot of exclamations....though it appears, after reading tons of other people's blogs, that using tons of exclamations doesn't really drive readers away. hm.
Random thought of the moment, "ohmygawd...it's still February" yeesh.
Welcome to the boring, rattling-beans-in-can blog post of the inside of my mind. Thank you for reading to the end. I leave you with....nothing! (Eye Catching!)
- I give you
- permission
- to vacate
- the premises
- Adios Muchachas
Friday, October 11, 2013
Hello? Is this thing on?
So...yeah. A whole year. Whoosh!
Time flies when you are baking and raising a tiny human from scratch.
People are like, "Don't you miss talking to other adults about adult things?" and I am wondering about that. Cause really, like, no.
No.
No I am not.
DUDE!
Adults are boring, yo. Adults talk about work and sports and weather and car trouble and this ache in my shoulder, etc. Boring. Just boring.
I appreciate that others want to make sure I stay, um...sane, I 'spose? Like, not feral? Or simple-minded or something. All sympathetic they ask, "Do you want us to come over so you can have an adult conversation?"
Now see, before the tiny human, an "adult conversation" would be, let's say, just between me and my spouse. 'Cause it would be all bow-chicka-bow-bow and stuff. That is the kind of conversation I think of when people say, "adult." But what people actually mean is to talk about this kind of boring every day stuff FOR WHICH I AM VERY HAPPY NOT TO HAVE TO PARTICIPATE IN!
Gah! Even sitting in on an adult conversation is wearisome. "Bladi bladi blah blah, work, blah blah. What about them A's? blah blah....I know! It totally rained yesterday, ohmigod! blah blah"...yo. adult=boring. When we were kids, everyone understood this but now they think I want to engage in this kind of malarky.
I mean, yes. If the conversations were about kick-ass tv shows that I am watching or funny topical stories from your family or, like, anything having to do with cats, I am in! But generally, people will just go on about adult things and not the fun kind of adult.
So, to be clear:
I LOVE chatting with tiny human about the ridiculous things she does (though she obviously can't verbally respond, as she is so tiny her brain doesn't make words with her mouth yet). "Why are you eating the leaf? Don't eat the leaf! The leaf is icky-poo! ICKY-POO! Oop, see?! Now you've choked and puked it up. Eating leaves are no fun, huh?" <-- This is way more interesting than talking about the government shutdown again and how we are all just waiting for election time at this point.
"No, don't bite me, that's not nice. Ouch! no biting! Ok, that's ok. Yes, you can lick my arm, just no biting. Aww, thank you! What a nice kiss. Thank you, what a nice kiss. Thank you, what a nice k--ouch! No biting!"<--Way more interesting than how your company is restructuring and how you will be keeping your same position but your direct report is changing to this asshole you have been complaining about for a year and how the smelly guy is changing offices to the other end of the hall because he's been reshuffled too and isn't it crazy?
"Look at this! How cool! See how I can put these together? Where are you going? Be nice to the kitty. Nice to the kitty! Gentle touches! GENTLE TOUCHES! Ok, let go. Let go now. Awww, what a good kitty (good job, kitty you did very well). You smell like poo. Let's go ch-ch-ch-ch-chaaaange your diaper. Ha cha cha cha cha!"<--more interesting than discussing the daily dip or gain in the DOW and how this might be affecting your portfolio, knowwhatImean? No. No I don't. I am proud to avoid poop fingers, knowwhatImean? No, you probably don't.
Hey guys, adults are needy people who have to get a lot of attention and hand holding...but, yo. I am already doing that for someone who can not even do it themselves.
Ain't nobody got time for that.
Get back to me when you want to discuss which teenage mutant ninja turtle was gay or your theory of how the universe is constructed or what your uncle said last Thanksgiving that was crazy or how your cat may be saying "thank you" is a caterwauling sort of way every time you pet her in that one place on her back...then...yes! Let's have THAT adult conversation. Until then, you can keep it to yourself.
I am fine with "BABABA!" and throwing her clothes on the floor proudly, then giggling, then crawling away farting.
That's the good stuff, girl, you didn't know?
Time flies when you are baking and raising a tiny human from scratch.
People are like, "Don't you miss talking to other adults about adult things?" and I am wondering about that. Cause really, like, no.
No.
No I am not.
DUDE!
Adults are boring, yo. Adults talk about work and sports and weather and car trouble and this ache in my shoulder, etc. Boring. Just boring.
I appreciate that others want to make sure I stay, um...sane, I 'spose? Like, not feral? Or simple-minded or something. All sympathetic they ask, "Do you want us to come over so you can have an adult conversation?"
Now see, before the tiny human, an "adult conversation" would be, let's say, just between me and my spouse. 'Cause it would be all bow-chicka-bow-bow and stuff. That is the kind of conversation I think of when people say, "adult." But what people actually mean is to talk about this kind of boring every day stuff FOR WHICH I AM VERY HAPPY NOT TO HAVE TO PARTICIPATE IN!
Gah! Even sitting in on an adult conversation is wearisome. "Bladi bladi blah blah, work, blah blah. What about them A's? blah blah....I know! It totally rained yesterday, ohmigod! blah blah"...yo. adult=boring. When we were kids, everyone understood this but now they think I want to engage in this kind of malarky.
I mean, yes. If the conversations were about kick-ass tv shows that I am watching or funny topical stories from your family or, like, anything having to do with cats, I am in! But generally, people will just go on about adult things and not the fun kind of adult.
So, to be clear:
I LOVE chatting with tiny human about the ridiculous things she does (though she obviously can't verbally respond, as she is so tiny her brain doesn't make words with her mouth yet). "Why are you eating the leaf? Don't eat the leaf! The leaf is icky-poo! ICKY-POO! Oop, see?! Now you've choked and puked it up. Eating leaves are no fun, huh?" <-- This is way more interesting than talking about the government shutdown again and how we are all just waiting for election time at this point.
"No, don't bite me, that's not nice. Ouch! no biting! Ok, that's ok. Yes, you can lick my arm, just no biting. Aww, thank you! What a nice kiss. Thank you, what a nice kiss. Thank you, what a nice k--ouch! No biting!"<--Way more interesting than how your company is restructuring and how you will be keeping your same position but your direct report is changing to this asshole you have been complaining about for a year and how the smelly guy is changing offices to the other end of the hall because he's been reshuffled too and isn't it crazy?
"Look at this! How cool! See how I can put these together? Where are you going? Be nice to the kitty. Nice to the kitty! Gentle touches! GENTLE TOUCHES! Ok, let go. Let go now. Awww, what a good kitty (good job, kitty you did very well). You smell like poo. Let's go ch-ch-ch-ch-chaaaange your diaper. Ha cha cha cha cha!"<--more interesting than discussing the daily dip or gain in the DOW and how this might be affecting your portfolio, knowwhatImean? No. No I don't. I am proud to avoid poop fingers, knowwhatImean? No, you probably don't.
Hey guys, adults are needy people who have to get a lot of attention and hand holding...but, yo. I am already doing that for someone who can not even do it themselves.
Ain't nobody got time for that.
Get back to me when you want to discuss which teenage mutant ninja turtle was gay or your theory of how the universe is constructed or what your uncle said last Thanksgiving that was crazy or how your cat may be saying "thank you" is a caterwauling sort of way every time you pet her in that one place on her back...then...yes! Let's have THAT adult conversation. Until then, you can keep it to yourself.
I am fine with "BABABA!" and throwing her clothes on the floor proudly, then giggling, then crawling away farting.
That's the good stuff, girl, you didn't know?
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Woooooooooo
That's a ghost.
woooooooooo.
This is the time of year I wish I could just loan someone's kid and go out and have a bunch of fun. Adults look creepy going trick-or-treating by themselves, or going to the science museum, or making gingerbread houses. Adults get laughed at for getting excited about gingerbread men, getting a bunch of chocolate coins ready, or making drawings of hand-turkeys.
There should be some sort of kid loan, for sure! Especially to go out to things like trick-or-treat block parties and the obligatory Nutcracker show, or sledding and snowballs and playing in piles of leaves....cause let me just warn you, adults that do this get the side-eye a lot. A LOT! From personal experience, I speak.
It's like, not acceptable for an adult to make a pile of snowballs and launch them at unawares visitors or friends in the neighborhood. Totally not acceptable. But if you have a kid with you, it's allllll ok (probably still irks the neighbors and they still think you're a douche, but whatever).
Late fall and winter are the best. The best holidays and activities. So much fun! So much unattainable without a kid by your side, fun!
Adults going to the pumpkin patch and looked at as potential pervs at worst and just plain weirdos in general.
alas alas alas.
So, definitely looking forward to having an excuse to do all these fun things without getting put on the neighborhood watch list or some such.
Is it acceptable to drag a 12 month old baby around to trick-or-treat? We shall SEE!
BOO!
woooooooooo.
This is the time of year I wish I could just loan someone's kid and go out and have a bunch of fun. Adults look creepy going trick-or-treating by themselves, or going to the science museum, or making gingerbread houses. Adults get laughed at for getting excited about gingerbread men, getting a bunch of chocolate coins ready, or making drawings of hand-turkeys.
There should be some sort of kid loan, for sure! Especially to go out to things like trick-or-treat block parties and the obligatory Nutcracker show, or sledding and snowballs and playing in piles of leaves....cause let me just warn you, adults that do this get the side-eye a lot. A LOT! From personal experience, I speak.
It's like, not acceptable for an adult to make a pile of snowballs and launch them at unawares visitors or friends in the neighborhood. Totally not acceptable. But if you have a kid with you, it's allllll ok (probably still irks the neighbors and they still think you're a douche, but whatever).
Late fall and winter are the best. The best holidays and activities. So much fun! So much unattainable without a kid by your side, fun!
Adults going to the pumpkin patch and looked at as potential pervs at worst and just plain weirdos in general.
alas alas alas.
So, definitely looking forward to having an excuse to do all these fun things without getting put on the neighborhood watch list or some such.
Is it acceptable to drag a 12 month old baby around to trick-or-treat? We shall SEE!
BOO!
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Summer time?
Ha! Whoops!
Well, let's pretend the Summer never happened anyway...cause...well, it really doesn't around here. I think we had one or two days above 80 and done.
Whatever, Fall is so much better. Has cooler holidays, good build up to Winter and so on. Even around here...sorta. Fall is the lead-in to rainy season here. It's harvest season and I feel less of a crack-a-doo walking around with my jacket on than in the Summer. But the holiday thing is for real. Better holidays by far. You have the high holy days for the Jews, you have Halloween and Thanksgiving and then all those weird federal holidays on Mondays as well.
Fall is also the lead-in to flu season. Got me a flu vaccine today. Got one of those AND a whooping cough vaccine...didn't read the side effects until after I had already got it. So....maybe this nasty feeling in my stomach and headache are from the vaccine? I could see it. Just so long as it stays tame like this and only a bit crampy. Nothing crazy, please. Come on, antibodies! Right? Seriously though, I remember getting one of those Hepatitis vaccines in high school and then going to a friend's birthday party and wondering why I felt so disgusting the whole time, until I went back and read the side effects.
I always get side effects. But I don't realize that's what they are til I get them and then go back and read them on the info packs. Doh! I hope this set of side effects is like that Hep vaccine I got where I only felt disgusting and nothing much came of it after that. Fight those dead viruses, body, fight!
I am actually super psyched about it being October in a few days. I just want the summer to be done with. I'm really excited about seeing rain again. It gets tedious with sunny, breezy days. I know I complain about that a lot, but for real...it gets pretty Groundhog Day up in here.
Good sign, though! Had to turn on the heat today. Yes! And football's in regular season. Yes! Finally for the Fall and Winter months. And now I am all vaccinated against the nasties, so I can lick as many BART seats as I please, right? Isn't that how vaccinations work?
I'm pretty sure it is.
Well, let's pretend the Summer never happened anyway...cause...well, it really doesn't around here. I think we had one or two days above 80 and done.
Whatever, Fall is so much better. Has cooler holidays, good build up to Winter and so on. Even around here...sorta. Fall is the lead-in to rainy season here. It's harvest season and I feel less of a crack-a-doo walking around with my jacket on than in the Summer. But the holiday thing is for real. Better holidays by far. You have the high holy days for the Jews, you have Halloween and Thanksgiving and then all those weird federal holidays on Mondays as well.
Fall is also the lead-in to flu season. Got me a flu vaccine today. Got one of those AND a whooping cough vaccine...didn't read the side effects until after I had already got it. So....maybe this nasty feeling in my stomach and headache are from the vaccine? I could see it. Just so long as it stays tame like this and only a bit crampy. Nothing crazy, please. Come on, antibodies! Right? Seriously though, I remember getting one of those Hepatitis vaccines in high school and then going to a friend's birthday party and wondering why I felt so disgusting the whole time, until I went back and read the side effects.
I always get side effects. But I don't realize that's what they are til I get them and then go back and read them on the info packs. Doh! I hope this set of side effects is like that Hep vaccine I got where I only felt disgusting and nothing much came of it after that. Fight those dead viruses, body, fight!
I am actually super psyched about it being October in a few days. I just want the summer to be done with. I'm really excited about seeing rain again. It gets tedious with sunny, breezy days. I know I complain about that a lot, but for real...it gets pretty Groundhog Day up in here.
Good sign, though! Had to turn on the heat today. Yes! And football's in regular season. Yes! Finally for the Fall and Winter months. And now I am all vaccinated against the nasties, so I can lick as many BART seats as I please, right? Isn't that how vaccinations work?
I'm pretty sure it is.
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