Journal entry from 2005

"08/16/2005

6:15 pm

   Anyway,  why should she be tearing herself up over this?  It wasn’t any of her business, not really, anyway.  Besides, it seemed that without any actual action, everything turned into a f*cking melodrama.  

“So,” she tells herself, “stop biting your lip and making tracks in the dust and just f*cking drop it, for gods’ sakes!”  She paused in her pacing, physically shook out her sleeves and headed back to her tent.  She knew and could picture her patient Selene sitting there, doing some menial little task, waiting for her after that embarrassing outburst she’d just had.  Without even bothering to scratch out a warning, she flipped up the door-flap and let it fall softly behind her.  By memory and not even allowing her eyes to adjust to the dimness within, she turned around and latched the flap closed.  Her eyes quickly came back to normal with the fire glowing in the side-pit.

“Hey,” she said to the figure hunched over pit, poking coals absently with a stick.  Selene turned calmly around, one hand easily resting on a knee, her hair high-lighted by the soft fire light.

“Hey,” she said back in a deep guttural Southern accent, flashing a pretty little smile.  At once, Roje felt her shoulders relax.  She knew in her heart that Selene would be there, calm and collected every time, no matter what.  But even so, when her temper got the better of her like this, she felt sure that Selene would get wise and just leave her sorry ass behind.

“Sit down and let us talk about this thing, hm?” Why did that southern accent always sound so damned sexy?  Selene’s face, half-turned from the fire looked radiant.  Soft shadows in the curves of her cheek bones, lips and jaw.  Part of the fire light shone right through one of her eyes, like the light was emitted from within, long, dark lashes lazily half-lidding them.  

Roje grunted, the anger which had consumed her gone now.  But she couldn’t just jump into the reconciliation.  Northerners just didn’t let up on their anger and pride and all that shit so easily.

Selene twisted a bit, planting her ass on the ground and patted the space next to her on the hearth rug.  Roje moved to sit next to her.

“So, tell me what is really eating you, mapaj,” Selene purred, swallowing her r’s and l’s the whole way.  A shrug from Roje and then an angry, petty little, 

“It’s all just so frustrating!”  She knew she sounded like a brat youngster or something like that, but she felt petulant at the moment.  Had they all been in on this?  Maybe to teach her a lesson.  Sometimes it really felt like everyone spoke to each other about Roje, just not to her."